The Solution Process
This extended form of the family constellation enables the client to recognize and work on his symbiosis pattern. For this purpose, the client sets up a representative for e.g. the mother (father, partner) and for his “self”. This is how his unconscious symbiotic relationship pattern becomes visible: he/she lacks his own space with boundaries, so he/she is closer to the other than to himself/herself. He/she becomes aware of how much his/her feelings are confused by the conditioning. As long as he/she orients himself/herself to this confused feeling, he/she will not get out of the pattern. Only when he/she orientates himself/herself according to his/her mind – his/her common sense – he/she can overcome this conditioning. If demarcation feels forbidden, then he/she can only resolve this conditioning by disregarding this “prohibition”. So he/she takes back the ownership of the own space again. Now connection with „self“ is possible.
At times the client has learned to devalue himself. If he/she has adopted the perspective of the parents, then he/she can free himself/herself from it by symbolically taking off the “parents’ glasses”. Now he/she can realize that there is nothing wrong with himself/herself and can become one with the own self – instead of identifying with others. Through this process of demarcation the client learns to use his/her – until then blocked – strength again for himself/herself – instead of against the own self. His/her face relaxes, his/her posture changes, he/she shines. This emotional process releases the blocked power and with it self-respect, the own dignity, liveliness and happiness.
In the ritual of the “counter demarcation” the client becomes aware that up to now he/she has experienced the “healthy” demarcation of the counterpart as offensive. That was part of the confusion of the conditioning: he/she was brought up to be involved in foreign spaces, for foreign interests. By realizing that the other person also has the right to protect the own territory like a tiger, then the client can learn to take it sportive. He/she learns to stand by his own strengths – and to experience himself/herself as an equal partner to strong people.
This new form of family constellation enables the client to recognize his symbiosis pattern and, in a condensed process, to become aware of its contradicting aspects and to solve them in a targeted manner.